Siblings

Sharing them would be too easy.

Dare to Dream

Because as soon as he can do something other than just undulate in the pool and can actually lift his head to breathe, he just might be on the path to the Olympic podium.

And the Woodchips Fly

Jack has just moved up to Pre-Kindergarden. And with the school year just shy of starting, it means that there are kids in the class who will be in Kindergarden but are just biding time in the Pre-K class until the summer is over because they’re parents don’t have anything better to do with them. And then there are the older kids who are in the “summer camp” at Jack’s school. These kids are much bigger, more savy about the ways of the world, and looking to show their stuff to these puny 4-year olds on the playground. Jack’s first week? Saw a classmate of his get pushed to the ground. Jack’s second week? Got a woodchip thrown at him which gave him a shiner below his eye.

I’m ‘bout to start bustin’ some bullies with my Momma fists. (That’s Mom-Gang talk.)

Pile all of this on top of Jack being in a new room, with new teachers, with a new bathroom that does not have a window in the door. What??? Its scary having a big door close behind you and not knowing where everyone went.

I keep reminding myself that Jack is learning so many new things in Pre-K. Really wonderful, enlightening things.

Let’s review some of the things that Jack has learned in his new environment:

-Last week he told me he shot a boy on the playground with his gun. A gun. Never, ever have we played with guns or watched shows with guns. Not even superhero laser guns. For goodness sake, JoJo’s Circus is about as risqué as we get in this house for TV shows.

-On Tuesday, he was mad at me for not letting him watch a TV show. A few weeks ago, he would have looked at me and shouted “ROAR” to express his anger. This time, he looked at me and muttered “I’m going to kill you.” OK, stop. Breathe.

He got frustrated with his sister yesterday and yelled “Goddamnit!”…Ummmm , OK, maybe that was my fault because I did have that outburst when I lost my car keys last week and was in a rush and might have shouted something inappropriate.

I swear, if he comes home with a tattoo on one arm and his babymama hanging off of his other arm, we will be switching to home schooling.

Time Outs Tear Me Up

Hi! We've moved. Our new address is:

Hell
PO Box Defiant Toddler
Time Out, Tantrum 78730

Testing the limits. That's what the experts say he is doing. I think he is testing them at 55 mph and hoping to just run us over.

Scenario:

Jack walks into room, sees Alex playing quietly, runs over and pushes her.
"Jack, do not push your sister"
"She was pushing me"

"If I see you do it again, you are going into time out"

After 40 more times of saying this, I decide I have to stick to my guns. I haul him upstairs and put him in his room, with him yelling "Noooooooooo!" the whole way. Just like any good disciple of Supernanny, I crouch to his level, explain why he is going in time out. He turns around and throws something at me. I leave and shut the door.

Please let me now elaborate on the Phases of Time Out:

Escape: Jack decides he will not be limited to his room and certainly won't participate in time out. So he dismantles the "child-proof" door knob cover and open the door to come out. (Hello inventors, did anyone test these products past the newborn stage????) I lead him back in and shut the door.

Pissed Off: Jack decides to show me how displeased he is with time out. He opens the door and throws the dismantled door knob cover at me. It's like he is defiantly showing me "I will not be contained!" Then he yells "Roooooooar!" to show me he's angry. I shut the door.

Defiance: He opens the door and stands in the doorway, yelling "Keep this door open!" I shut the door. In fact, this time, because in my brain it is most important to keep the door shut, I hold the door closed. Jack hits and kicks on it. Something heavy-maybe a piggy bank, hits the door. Ouch, that caused some paint damage!

Release: The kicking and hurling of objects stops. The yelling stops. Suddenly, the most pitiful cyring begins. "Mommy, I'm sorry. I don't want to be in time out. I don't want to be in here."

Ahhh, that's it. Now he has broken out the heavy artillery that hits right at the heart of Mommy. Because who can resist their child pleading for forgiveness and help. I count 30 more seconds in my head, singing a tune to drown out the toddler pleas which are carving up my insides. I go back in. Again, supernanny inspired approach. Repeat why he's in time out. Ask for apology.

The hug is all that matters to me.

Stars and Stripes Never Looked So Good

AP RELEASE

BEIJING - The International community was stunned last night by a "secret weapon", a new American super athlete revealed at the Olympics. "We simply don't know how to compete against this kind of superior strength," said a puzzled Chinese coach. Other coaches agreed. "It just takes your breath away," commented a coach from France.

America has kept their super-athlete under wraps, referring only to the project as "Big Cannon" in memos. "Well, obviously we've been working with her since she was born" said one American trainer, who preferred to remain anonymous. "You just have to find someone with uncanny natural ability and just guide her down the path to greatness. But we knew the unveiling would create quite a stir. We're pretty confident this will put us over the top in the medal race."

Roadtrip!

While Jack may be too young for the adventures of Harold and Kumar, he is on schedule to enjoy his first field trip this Friday. You see, he now lives and breathes in the big, bad world of PRE-K!!!! And man, what advantages he has now. Bigger playground, tire swing, computer in the classroom, tire swing, freeze dancing contests...and did I mention the tire swing?

So anyway, with summer drawing to a close, the last of the field trips are coming and Jack's class will be going to the Austin Children's Museum. I'm curious about the whole dozen-4 year olds-bus-no booster seats thing so I've offered to chaperone. You know, get a feel for what the kids do on the bus, how the teacher relates to them, and just how safe a bus is. I mean, I remember my school bus days and quite frankly it scares the hell out of me to think of my little boy on a bus like I had. Does it even have seatbelts? Shouldn't we duct tape them to the seat-backs or something?

So, off we go. If I get bored watching them, I'll just wander down the street to grab a Starbucks. I mean, they can watch themselves , right? Nothing bad would happen while I'm gone. Geez, they're old enough to ride in a bus without car seats after all.