Stars and Stripes Never Looked So Good

AP RELEASE

BEIJING - The International community was stunned last night by a "secret weapon", a new American super athlete revealed at the Olympics. "We simply don't know how to compete against this kind of superior strength," said a puzzled Chinese coach. Other coaches agreed. "It just takes your breath away," commented a coach from France.

America has kept their super-athlete under wraps, referring only to the project as "Big Cannon" in memos. "Well, obviously we've been working with her since she was born" said one American trainer, who preferred to remain anonymous. "You just have to find someone with uncanny natural ability and just guide her down the path to greatness. But we knew the unveiling would create quite a stir. We're pretty confident this will put us over the top in the medal race."